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Hilda  
Now, as a person, I mean, she obviously, as all of us know, was an instrument of God from the word go. She transmitted the orders and the messages of Lord Skanda. She did not believe in acquiring luggage in a journey through life. She couldn't be bothered with worldly goods. She did not cast her eyes on them at all. She didn't want to have disciples — excuse me, her disciples — or institutions or an ashram. She didn't want any of these things. She couldn't be bothered. She could perform miracles. She did quite often. She could cure sick people. She could do things, but she did it in such a low key that she was not even conscious of it. She believed that the technology of religion was not important. For her, the ethics were much more important. Ethics towered above all that. I have a story of an Indian gentleman who learned how to walk on water. He spent ten years doing this. Then he went to a greater sage and said, "Oh sage, I have learned to do something wonderful." He asked, "What?" He said, "I can walk on water." The sage asked, "How much time did you spend on this?" He said, "I have spent ten years learning this." So the sage said, "You idiot! If you only pay five cents, you can go by boat. Why did you waste your time?" You understand? So, there is no reason, no need to acquire all these paraphernalia or capacities. It is better to be good. And that is what Hilda taught us always. Of course, I know, in the Christian world, they always say that so-and-so, after passing away, gets well-deserved rest. I believe that we should not give Hilda any rest. I
 
 

believe we must make her work for us, keep her in the lotus of our heart, put in our specific prayers and request her to guide us. I believe that we can integrate her principles in our life. That is the best tribute we can pay to her. And if we become, even to a fraction of a degree, a better instrument of God, that's what Hilda would have liked. Thank you.

Ingrid: Thank you, Dr. Alagappan. I'm sure everyone here could speak on the specialness of Hilda and how she so powerfully affected them. However, such a venture would take weeks, even months, so we've asked a few of her students to speak tonight. It is much to our regret that all cannot publicly share their personal account of the miracle of Hilda's life on Earth.

Al: I'd just like to start off by saying that it's really wonderful to see you all here, those of the recent classes and those of long ago and in between. It really makes me very, very happy. We're Hilda's family. We're her children. You're my brothers and sisters. And together we inherit on this Earth what she has given.

Every now and then, since time began, God sends to Earth one of His very own to save an ailing humanity. Our Father sends us a big brother or a big sister to help us younger siblings, stumbling in the dark, to find our way back home. Filled with His love, overflowing with His peace and exuding His bliss, Hilda, Shanti Devi, Lazumma was one with His eternal essence and now is the golden essence of God. This treasure Hilda shared with us, week after week, month after month, year after year. Surely there was no sparseness of God's teachings through our Hilda. As Hilda, we loved her dearly. She made us laugh. She made us cry. She made us feel what it is to be fully human. Most importantly, she made us feel what it is to be fully divine. She made us reach within and touch our own spirit, God residing in our hearts. Her joy was our joy, our sorrow, her sorrow, and when she cried for us, we cried with her. As Shanti Devi, the yogini, and as the Divine Mother, she beseeched us to give and forgive — to give to each other the jewels of God that she has given to us.

Hilda's life was her teaching — a life of giving and forgiving, loving everyone under all circumstances, and remembering, nay, being God. Her words of truth and love ring in our hearts. Our souls reverberated with her every breath. Thousands who attended her classes, and tens of thousands more who knew her, grew closer to God within the shower of her love and grace. She had a divine knack for relating differently to each and every one of us and yet so perfectly meeting the deepest needs of heart and soul. In her presence, we truly felt loved — loved by Hilda and loved by God. Hilda saw God within us and brought Him forth from within our hearts. The Earth was a better place for her presence and a bit lost without her, but through us all she will live on. For as we live her teachings, singing the song of love in our lives, of giving and forgiving, remembering who we are — embodiments of the Divine — Hilda Lazumma, we will march on to the glory of God.

I'd like, now, to read a poem she wrote in her earlier days.

I behold within God's hand

My pure and reborn soul,

Cleansed by His grace am I,

Like freshly fallen snow.

This breath is sweet and comforts me

In moments of my birth,

For every step I take will be

His own upon the Earth.

I will wander through the heavens

And soar in every sky,

Melting in Your sea of love,

You, my God, and I.

And as I see this world anew

My heart is filled with bliss.

There is no greater treasure, Lord,

For me to find than this.

Lay down my soul within Your hand

My soul as free as wind and sea

The purest flower has grown.

Hilda Lazumma, Goddess of Light, Mother of Liberty, you live forever in our hearts.

Lois: When I first came to Hilda's several years ago, I came and I looked at the class as I'm looking at it now. And I said, in my own selfish way, "There are hundreds and hundreds of people here. How is she going to notice me? How is she going to love me and care about me with all these people?" But when I started to go to her house, I saw how much she loved me, just in all the little ways she cared about me and about all of you, the way she so tenderly and conscientiously read your letters and talked to you on the phone. I came to the understanding that even if she loved ten thousand people, she wouldn't love me any less. She showed me worlds and times and places that I wouldn't know otherwise. She showed me myself.

She was excited about so many things. Each new thing that came along, she was just as excited about that as about the last thing, whether it was vitamins that we all had to take or some new shampoo for balding that all the men were supposed to use. I remember one thing that was a lot of fun, and that I learned a great lesson from: She was watching late night television and Uri Geller came on and he was bending spoons. She got really excited about that and said, "He's bending spoons with psychic power, but we can bend spoons with love. We're going to use the power of love." So there were about twelve of us all sitting around bending spoons in the living room, focusing and just loving the spoons and getting them to bend. There's not one normal spoon in the house to this day. That was what she represented, love and the power of love. She believed that we could do anything with love, and she tried to instill that in all of us.

Someone came to the house and we were sitting in the kitchen reminiscing about Hilda. They said, "You know, when Hilda was alive, I felt like I was under a small microscope, but now that she's not with us in her physical body any longer, I feel like I'm under a giant microscope." She was always aware of everything that was happening and everything around. We always tried to fool ourselves thinking, "Well, maybe Hilda doesn't know about it." But we can't fool ourselves anymore.

That feeling was really present with me the morning they called from the hospital and said, "Come, she might not live through the day." I was in the bathroom getting ready. I was just doing my normal thing and I felt her presence, her spirit come into the bathroom with me, into such a little homely place. She was there. It was so clear that I could hear her talking to me, and I knew that when I went to the hospital, there was going to be no sadness there for me. I just felt an incredible happiness in my soul for her, that she would be where she needed to be to do the work that she needed to do. I knew that she would be there even more for me now than she ever was before and that for each of us, she could be with us in a much more personal way than she could be in her physical presence, because she couldn't be with us all the time then. She can be with us all the time now. I know that she is still on Earth, in our minds and in our hearts.

Danny: When I first went to Hilda's meeting at St. Luke's in I think it was 1972, I was so in awe of how spiritual everybody at the meeting was. I was sure that they would throw me out the minute that they perceived my clunky vibrations and my earthly thoughts. I feel that way at this moment, trying to find the words to live up to Hilda. But then I hear her saying, "Unworthiness! Fooey! Speak like a Master!" Well, I'll give it a try. I always felt that she treated me like a retarded child that she had a great deal of affection for and so she kind of let me get away with stuff that other people didn't get away with. Maybe it's because I lived out of town, I don't know. I'd like to talk about what I've been going through. I don't know about you, but I haven't taken this particularly easily. I know that's not the most cosmic reaction, but it's been a really complicated and not always easy couple of weeks. I was in Los Angeles and the only person who lives in that area who knows Hilda is someone I haven't spoken to in five years. How do you explain to people who don't know her who Hilda was? Someone called me about possibly helping to get her obituary in the New York Times. I don't know whether it ever ran, but what would it say? "Hilda, Also Known As The Goddess of Light, Departs. Fifteen Gods Leave With Her."

 
 

At this moment, I know that she's here, and I know that many of the Gods who stayed with her are here. Although I could never see you, oh Gods, I'd like to acknowledge you on behalf of all of us and thank you, because her life brought your blessings to us. So many people we learned about through her — Pericles, Suka, Mahadevananda, the Space Brothers, the Masters of the Great White Lodge, the American Indians, Manu, Skanda, Jesus, Saint Therese, Moses, Sai Baba, Nityananda, Yogananda, Sanat Kumara, Ammal, fifty others that I don't recall now, and yet, of course, we came here for her.

My first reaction to Hilda's passing was one of numbness. I tried to bury myself in my work, and every once in a while, when I was driving, tears would come. So I would try to think of why I was crying. As Dean Morton said, "Obviously, she's fine." So I was certainly not crying for her. Unless every word she ever spoke was a lie, she's in a wonderful place most of the time, and right here right now. Then I felt guilty: "God, I should have spent more time with her. Look at the opportunities I missed. I could have gone to the last meeting. I could have called her more." And then I heard Hilda saying, "Guilt is useless, kid." Then I really realized that a lot of what I was feeling, as Lois was saying, was selfish. "What will I do now? How exactly am I going to carry on when I can't call her up and know that just by talking to her, everything I'm doing is somehow realigned and blessed?"

I can only tell you that over a course of time I've come to feel that she's still here. One of the ways I know is, when she was in her body, I would always censor myself. If I thought of doing something, I would say, "Well, what if Hilda finds out?" I notice I still do that, and believe me, it's not because I'm worried about Al finding out. So I know that she's here in this room, and I know she's here in my heart and in my meditations and for all of us.
 
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